August 06, 2005

BlogHer : Pseudo-Feminist Prejudice & The "Breeders are Creative" Edition
by Liza Sabater

To all who said "Thanks To BlogHer We Can Show The World We Are Not Just Mommy Bloggers" ... I would like to say unto you

FUCK YOU!

I am still appalled and seething at the level of cluelessness that some of the women spoke when talking about BlogHer : "We are not just mommy bloggers". I personally took it as an insult because this here blog started as a mommy blog.

Granted, some of my earlier posts are published articles about deschooling before homeschooling; some movie and book reviews and the "on the job"hazards of becoming and being a mother. I was very hesistant at the beginning, not because I did not think it was important, but because I did not think I could do it well. I had seen other women's writing about motherhood, parenting and education all over the net that just prompted "oohs" and "aahs" from me; but filled me with dread with the published photos and names of their kids.

Jay Rosen wrote and spoke about "terror" being present at BlogHer. I think the word he chose was a tad too dramatic; but let me say that my husband and I were indeed stalked by one of his fans during the early days of the internets. Nobody really thought much about security nor of NetworkSolutions making public URL owners snail mail addresses. It's from that experience that I recoiled form making any regular references to life here on the NYC prairie.

Go through the blog's archives and you'll see that first and foremost, this blog is about putting motherhood into a socio-political context. culturekitchen is about creating a revolution in domesticity. Every single privately made decision has an impact on the public sphere. How we decide to create our families, sustain our lives and share our love has a huge impact on who we are as a society. That's why I completely agree with Alice, "Motherhood can be a radical act".

Mandajuice: It was even better than Christmas I swear to god you'd have thought she was dying. But then Alice spoke out - pissed off (but with tact) And said "Writing about motherhood can be a radical act!"

So it is with anger and disappointment --and, ok, a laugh or two-- I republish here what the mommysphere thinks about these dissings :

On the need to get out the rolled-up newspaper on some female canine-like bloggers:

Fussy | 2. Women being assholes to other women. Oh, the sexism women use against each other. I know this isn't strictly a blogging phenomenon, but as everyone there was using a blog to define herself or her opinions, we might as well have the conversation one more time in a panel discussion format. Especially after one woman stood up after it was all over and said, "You know, with all the power blogs have to change the world, I think those mommybloggers should try thinking outside of their boxes!" [This in reference to the importance of blogging about the problems of women in the Third World.] Yes, I've heard that blogs can change the world, but apparently our own stories just aren't good enough. So that was nice, to be shoved aside by the portion of the sisterhood who likes to think that reading and writing about my son wiping his own butt is a big fat waste of time. Really, as if!

Seriously, though: Grrr. Bad blogger! Bad!

On recovering your identity by reclaiming motherhood:

sweetney: she's a good writer. for a mommy blogger. | so fuck it people, what's so funny about peace, love and mommy blogs? why not be like Ice Cube (and really, who couldn't use to be a little more like Ice Cube?); take it back (Mommy Bloggers With Attitude) and say: fuck you, you've got nothing now.

hi, my name is tracey. and i'm a mommy blogger.

bite me, bigots.

On women vs. men's reactions to this thing called blogging while mommy:

Socal Mom: Mommy Blogging | enn: Do you consider yourself a mommy blogger?

Audience : I can tell you from personal experience after quitting my job to stay home full time. Men were very excited that I was devoting myself to that. Women gave me very different reactions from, Oh, you're so lucky...

The stigma against mommy blogging -- when you devote yourself 100% to your children.

Grace D: I actually heard at this conference, "she's a mommy blogger but she's a good writer."

Mindy: I haven't personally heard this, "You are using your children as shills." But I feel I am just handing them a record of their childhood.

Miriam: My Mommy blog is powdering our noses. My struggle is professionally, blogging is not difficult. But doing it as a mommy, I get that attitude.

Jenn: I think it's funny that people think I'm less of a writer because I'm a mommy. You embrace it. It's not a bad thing.

Jenny: We kept encountering this "I'm not a fluffy mommy blogger." It's something we keep coming across.

Alice, the revolutionary, she makes people cry:

finslippy: BlogHer, BlogMe | Although I was enjoying the hell out of being with my friends and meeting all kinds of new people, I was also becoming increasinglya nnoyed by an undercurrent of derision aimed at the "Mommy Bloggers"� (no matter how I try, I still hate that term). At the Mommy Blogging panel, an editor admonished us for always being the ones who attack each other and also for being upset with the NYT article. Which, um, isn't true (for the first part) and misses the point (for the second). But whatever. If we're not valued enough, it's our own fault, and look, even when we get attention we whine about it. We are such whiny bitches.

Then at the closing seminar another comment was made in which mommy bloggers were dismissed, and my hand flew up. For about fifteen minutes I sat there with my hand straight up and I was going Oooh! Oooh! Ooh! Finally it was my turn, and I made up some shit about how mommy bloggers are important too, blah blah, and I wish I could remember what I said but I was too nervous. The important part was that I made Melissa cry. And that's what I came for.

Funniest counter-diss by a mother whiter than my (white)mom:

I'm ablogging: Mommyblogher recap | In an effort to reclaim the title 'mommyblogger' on my own terms, I would like to officially alter my title.

From now on I will only respond to the following titles:

"MOFOmommybloggerbitchasshobutshe'sareallygoodwriter"

Or if you prefer :

"MOFOmommybloggerbitchasshoandshe'satotalhorseshitwriter"

Feel free to choose the one you feel is most appropriate.

Word to all you motha's out there. Peace out.

It's all about R-E-S-P-E-C-T :

Three Kid Circus: Who's Yo (BlogHer) Mama? | While the negative connotations of "mommyblogging" persist, even through the closing remarks of the conference, I feel that our presence did open some eyes and gain some respect for our "identity blogs." That we manage to draw such ire continues to keep the media and other bloggers focused on what we say and how we say it.

More importantly though, it is about coming home to a community of like-minded women. You're not alone in the world; there's other rabid, radical mothers, revolutionizing our culture, one kid at a time :

Java Diva | As I write this, I struggle to find the right words. Words that let them know (and let you know) how much I appreciate them. I sit here with tears streaming down my face as I think of how I arrived a broken and rather shattered woman and left with a soul that had been healed. I needed to be there. I needed to meet every woman I met. They each gave me something I can hold onto forever. I found sisterhood, friendship and warmth in so many of them.

Thank y'all for showing to the world how motherhood rocks.

Posted by Liza Sabater in Blog Sheroes, BlogHer, Blogeratti, Blogs, Childcare, Domesticity, Feminism, Identity Politics, Marriage, Memes, Motherhood, Prejudice, Reproductive Rights, Roe vs. Wade, Sex, Sexual Politics, W T F
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Say it loud, say it proud!