Please do not lose any weight. Not one ounce. Not one milligram. You look perfect just the way you are right now.

Seriously, you make ME want to lose 40 pounds, cover myself in leather and tattoos and totally go butch for a night of good lesbo love for you.

Did I say I am a het?

Yet gurl, you got it going on after those twins. It's why I can't believe the rumors that you've been falling on your anorectic tendencies because you feel fat and ugly.

You know I don't have to tell you EVERY SINGLE WOMAN goes through that after giving birth. Don't knock yourself down woman. You look perfect. Eat more a couple of hamburgers a week and splurge on that pizzas you like.

'Cause, child, you make a het woman want to go totally bi for you. Am thinking if I want to hit that with you ten thousand ways to Monday, I'd have to find it in my heart to entertain Brad. Anyhow, you look lovely and perfect and healthy.

So girl, stay just the way you are.

Love,
liza

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Memory wall

Have you had to sit down and make a medical decision that could potentially end up aborting the 5 month-old fetus you have declared as your baby?

I have.

It was 1997 and Napier and I were getting ready to leave on our last vacation as a 'just the two of us'. We figured that once the baby was born our lives would be altered forever as three and that no matter how 'romantic' and exclusive the getwaway, once you have a child to care for, you're life, your body and your mind become inexorably linked to them and forever living in a world that would be 'just the two of us AND BABY'.

So you can imagine how unhappy I was when we were called from the OB/GYN's office to discuss a test I had but heard of in passing.

The results of an alphafetoprotein test had come in. This test was also known at the time as "The Triple Test" and it was developed by some R&D company with deep lobbying pockets to, screen for a slew of birth defects, one of them being Down Syndrome.

This test has become the bane of many pregnant women (now it, by the way, known as the Quadruple Test).

If you do not have an exact date of conception, this particular test is notorious for a ridiculous high percentage of false positives
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I, Liza Michelle Sabater-Tirado, am the father of Anna Nicole Smith's daughter, Dannielynn.

It was a freak accident of telepathic autogenesis that made me the father of Anna's daugher. Seriously. Since the father of my children doesn't want more kids, I was using all my mental abilities to immaculately conceive the baby girl I want so much. Unfortunately my powers got transferred to Anna Nicole.
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We've been so busy all morning we have not been able to even write a quick note about these fantastic news :

Dick Cheney's next grandchild will have two mommies, to the horror of his conservative fans.
The White House says Cheney's openly gay daughter and top political adviser, Mary, is expecting a baby this spring with her lover of 15 years, Heather Poe.

"The vice president and Mrs. Cheney are looking forward with eager anticipation to the arrival," the veep's office said in a statement.

The father's identity was not revealed.

The veep's daughter will have to remain an unwed mom: Cheney, 37, an AOL executive, and Poe, a 45-year-old former park ranger, live in Virginia, which just passed the kind of constitutional ban on same-sex marriages that the Bush administration has been pushing nationally.

"The irony is that the grandfather of this child is part of a party and an administration that has relentlessly attacked gay and lesbian families," said Jennifer Chrisler, head of Family Pride, an advocacy group for gay parents.

"So his own grandchild will not have the same legal protections other children enjoy. And Heather will have no legal relationship with the child. She can't make a hospital visit or even sign a school field trip form," Chrisler said.

So the Vice-President's daughter's partner, Heather Poe, can't legally take care of their child. She can't even adopt her daughter because, as long as there is one mom alive, that's what the Bible Beltway political muckrakers were able to pass as law in the state of Virginia.
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