Bahia

My Wife, Teresa Francisco Holland, Does Not Straighten or Iron Her African Hair, Letting Her Dreads Swing Naturally.

Cross-posted at the Francis L. Holland Blog.

In a post about discovering that she had never valued being Black, Bronze Trinity blog discusses everything from hairstyles to a Canadian Culture that doesn't support her being her African self and leaves her feeling alien amongst the crowd:

Some of you may have noticed a change in the tone and subject matter of my recent blog entries. It is because I am discovering my culture and history and each new thing I learn changes me. I realize now that in the past I really hated myself, and I think I also hated people like me but I didn't know that until recently. Now I am trying to immerse myself in my culture and unbrainwash myself. Some of you may not like it and feel uncomfortable, but it doesn't change what I am feeling and thinking.

Imagine it this way, suppose your whole life you thought there was something off about your family. You were a part of your family but didn't quite fit in. In fact, it didn't seem as though they really liked you at all. You constantly felt that there was something they were not telling you, that other people treated them better, and that you just didn't belong. Then one day they tell you that you were adopted and you had a whole biological family that you didn't even know. In fact, your biological family lived on the same block and they were the very people you ignored and didn't really like. That is what it is like for me to be African Canadian.

I tried to fit in with the Euro-Canadian society, activities, friends, teachers, culture, entertainment, education, and standardards of beauty but it never quite fit with me or I didn't quite fit. On the other hand, I unconsciously didn't like Black people that much. I draw that conclusion because I didn't date them, go out of my way to be friends, read their books, listen to their music or appreciate their beauty.

I realized that the problem all along was that I didn't know much about my culture or history and that was also why I devalued them. Now I have changed and the way I view my culture, history, and the world has changed. Now I am seeking out my African family so that I can find out who I really am. I found this great video on Girl 600's website and it describes many of the feeling and thoughts I have had over the years. I really felt and still feel like the girls in the video. Please take a look: