You Couldn't Make This Shit Up

told several of you how excited I was about my new apartment.

Last night I finished moving in at 7. I moved everything all by myself and it was hard work but well worth the effort. I figured this place would be my last share until I finished my book, which is due at the publisher's on June 15th. Hopefully by then I will be able to rent my own place. I have to do things this way because of a combination of reasons; poor financial decisions in my twenties and a lack of money as a result being major among them.

This morning, the woman who lives here hands me her cell phone and tells me Tony is on the phone. She doesn't speak English so I thought perhaps he was just going to relay a message for her. Now Tony is the agent who my roommate service went through to obtain this place. Margaret at the roommate service told me he is a total drunk but only deals in the best places, so she uses him frequently. and after the rat infested dump I just fled, that sounded fine by me.

I said, "Hello?"

He said, "Tara, her family is coming. You have to leave."

I said, "You mean for the night?" Tis the season and all.

He said, "No. Forever."

I guess between eight o'clock last night and soometime today, her fucking Florida family fucks decided to move up here and now I have to leave. Tony said not to worry. She is giving me my money back and I should just come down to his office and he can find me a room and we can have sex.